


our beginnings never know our meager ends

by ourhereafter



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Mental Health Issues, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sansa-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, Vignette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-01 01:52:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13987983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourhereafter/pseuds/ourhereafter
Summary: On certain days the face in my dreams becomes clearer. But when I awoke I could never fully remember it. Each feature I thought I had remembered, blurred together as if a watercolor painting. And all of the demons that I thought were vanquished came back. But I couldn't tell the difference between the dream and the nightmare.OR"You won’t be able to escape so easily. The big bad lions love to gobble you weaklings up, and swallow you whole.”





	1. la noche boca arriba

_Was this to be my new home?_ I faced the old brown stonewall buildings, the gravely leering oaks speckling the facades with dappled sunlight. I took it all in silently. The towers of the mansion-like hall reached higher and higher. The hollow ring of wind droned in my ears. The shadows seemed to reach out and caress the edge of my boots. A stone lodged itself inside of my neck. All at once I felt the collective history of the place.

I hesitated. _To wait to be directed or perhaps take matters into my own hands?_ Having a choice, even one so small, was a welcome comfort. In the end I opted for the latter. My purse and the folder of personal documents in hand, I began to walk. The gravel crunched under my boots and the lone car began to disappear behind me. The buildings seemed to grow even taller, until all I stood under were their shadows.

All that was left of myself was wrapped together in a decaying mentality of hopelessness. My breaths began to stutter in my chest as the stone settled into my stomach. I couldn’t help but wonder if the buildings could speak, what would they make of me? Would they see my new scars? Or my fleeting memories? The smiles before and the sorrow afterwards that looked to consume my entire being? Did they see I wish not to be here, but that I had no choice? That I was nothing and will be nothing? What would they say if they knew had happened? What I had done?

What would anyone say if they ever learned the truth?


	2. aura

Beyond the buildings and the road as it turned into gravel, I caught a glimpse of what must have been a pavilion. It was almost beyond recognition with the brush and thorns overtaking it. The faded white paint of the structure was entwined with the blackberry bushes and weeds. I couldn't take a step in any direction around the structure without scraping my feet or legs. Compared to the pristine buildings behind me, I found it odd this was allowed to be in shambles. The sun broke from beneath the clouds. The whirling moan of wind began to shift the ramshackle structure. I became so engrossed with how it seemed to fight nature itself to keep standing up right, that I forgot where I was. 

_"Arya, Bran, Robb, Jon, Rickon."_ It's a trick. I whispered to myself. Silently hoping it was real and that it wasn't. That I could hear the calm lit of my mother's voice. 

_I blinked and I thought I could see them._

_After throwing our book bags violently down beside the stones lining the path, we would run until our lungs burned. Past the looming branches out beyond the Weirwood until I finally collapsed from exhaustion._

_“Catch me if you can!”_

_Their giggles echoing around me. I grasp at each of my fingers while the sweat cooled on my back. Their laughter, sweet and innocent. Above my head past my wheezing, puffing breath, towered the canopy of the Weirwood. Tiny sparkles of light dancing around me. My home just beyond. I am safe._

_“Arya! Bran!”_

_I see them all. Sprinting through the tall grasses behind together, my older brothers picking me up and twirling me through the air, the waxy musk of father’s books, as the last of the long summer days were washed away._

_"Run!"_

_"Stop!"_

_"Sansa!"_

My breath evaporated from my chest. My heart galloped erratically. My mouth was dry and my tongue swollen. My throat closing in on the sorrow, the pain, the fear. All of the contentment from my previous life was tethered together by fraying threads. The once happy memory of the faces of my family started to concave in on itself. Revealing the burning, boiling stink of flesh. The deafening silent wails. The pounding silence that followed after.


	3. un viejo de leia novelas de amor

I wrenched my eyes open, slamming that door in my mind. Then I closed my eyes from the piercing sunlight as it peaked over a tower. When I opened them again, the tattered remains of my sanity were all I had to cloak myself in.

For a fraction of a moment, as my eyes began to adjust to the sun, I witnessed the outline of a dark figure staring down from the top story window. But when I attempted to fully to look, I realized there was no one there.

“You must be Sansa.”

It was a declaration, not a question, startling me out of my wondering. An elderly woman stood before me with the pointed face of a crow looking particularly uninterested. 

“I am the Head of the Psychology Department here at UCR, Dr. Olenna Tyrell. Is this all of you?” The elder woman looked to be in her mid-seventies, although her speed and acuity belied her actual age. 

“Yes, I —”

“Good. Come with me.”

Dr. Tyrell, began to usher me past the pavilion and into one of the monstrous buildings across from where I had stood. The main building she ushered me into was terrifying. A mousy receptionist, nodded and flashed me a small smile as we entered the marble hallway.  A statue of the gold lion stood ostentatiously in a full roar as I traipsed up the grand stairs. The lion statue seemed like it was ready to pounce and rip my throat out. That it could do whatever it wanted because it could. They owned me. The Lannisters knew it and I knew it. She swept me out back past the marble and the statue yet I couldn't quite rip my gaze away despite losing sight of it. 

“I don’t think I need to stress why you won’t be in need of entering these areas. They really are for students and faculty only.” Her blunt crassness shook me from my stupor. As if some part of me was still trying to sleep while the rest of me was unwillingly roused into reality.

“There will be a formal introduction tonight. I expect you to be there. Do try to cover up,”. I finally turned to her and looked at her head on while she appraised me. Could she see how I wanted to scream with every fiber of my being? How I only saw bleakness and that every word I forced from my mouth ate away at me? Did she wonder if I was dangerous or if the rumors were true? 

“Now, your lodgings,” She paused and began to shuffle me outside, before pushing past a wooden gate beyond the congregation of university buildings. Out back, behind the campus where the bushes were overgrown and took over much of the flagstone path, there was a small dilapidated building. Eventually, the she fished out a small bronze key and opened the door. The air inside was cold and musty, and I took great care not to make a face even as my skin crawled. “I’m sorry we can’t offer you better,” she bristled haughtily, “Your accommodation needs were unexpected, and we need to keep our other quarters available at all times for visiting lecturers. This flat is old, but it will do.”

I wondered if people knew I understood their intentions?  How I wasn't the naive, innocent girl anymore. That behind their sweet enough words and painted faces that I could see through it all. But what could I do to escape them? They owned me and say me only as a prize. The less people saw of me, the more of me that they could chip away at me. One piece at a time. She looked me up and down gripping the key in her agile fingers. She turned swiftly away without another word. Dr. Tyrell left me in the dank darkness of my new home.   

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first foray into fanfic writing, although I have been reading it for many many years. I hope you enjoy and any constructive criticism is much appreciated.


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